Fool
by Junaberry
Summary: Sequel to Burn. How do you let go of the remnants of your perfect life?
1. Chapter 1

**The long awaited (or not…) sequel to Burn.**

**Fool**

**By Junaberry Pop**

I have no father, figuratively that is, and no family other than an overzealous, slightly paranoid mother. My name is insignificant and meaningless; Isabella. Could my mother think of no other name that she had to resort to naming me after her? Were her genes so important that I got stuck with the same brown hair and pale skin? The only thing that minutely sets me apart from her is not falling down every three seconds.

"I DON'T LIKE CHEESE!" My scream was rude and obnoxious, but I could not have cared in the least. I love my mother… a lot, but on occasion, she never ceases to annoy me. I shouldn't be so violent, so stony; my mother isn't young anymore, she's almost 66, but… I have no excuse, I'm just a fool; ungrateful for everything she gave up to raise me.

"But, sweetheart, _everyone _likes cheese! How can you not like cheese? That's just ridiculous…" she continued to ignore my outcries of… uniqueness one could say. Her hand was clutching the knife, a thick wedge of cheese just inches below the deadly sharp edge.

"I just don't like the taste; it's too strong, too salty."

She sighed in exhaustion and let the knife slip into the once shiny sink. She was probably fantasizing about her old, perfect life… I highly doubt that she _doesn't _blame me for it; if it wasn't for my unexpected birth, then she'd probably be enjoying a well earned holiday in the Bahamas with her husband of 30 years. Stupid me… a fool. I just _had _to be conceived, didn't I?

"I'm sorry, mom." I pulled her into a loose hug and stroke her slightly graying hair. I knew those long locks so well; in her early thirties, when I was just a kid and she would cry over a glass if wine, drowning herself in tears as she reminisced the "old days." I would sit next to her, leaning protectively over her as she downed her third or fourth bottle of Shiraz. I couldn't fully understand, but I guess I just blamed myself because it was convenient. Of course, Bella would always assure me it was _her _choice, and I wasn't to blame in the least…

"I'm sorry too, my lovely… I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid," she shrieked, and hit her head on the wall maniacally. Just once, then she turned around and slid down the wall and onto the floor beneath. Her soft sobs were disturbingly real; genuine. "You're stupid father… how could he be so stupid…"

"Tell me, mom. Why won't you tell me?" I pleaded with her gently, slouching down beside her myself.

"Because I'm ashamed. Can't you see that, Isabella? Why can't you see it? My past isn't straight forward… it's so… so damned complicated." Her words rang in my head; too complicated for me to understand is what she meant. I was too naive, 48 and still too naive to grasp anything. I needed to prove to her that I was there to protect her, share her troubles with… whatever she needed.

"I _can _understand, mom. Please tell me." I stared straight into her wide, anxious eyes. They glittered with youth and yet the rest of her body was withering worryingly quickly. I took her hand and rubbed them to ease her.

"Fine, okay, Isabella, I'll share all my long forgotten secrets. All my little snatches of the past that I have tried so hard to hide from you, to protect you!" her voice was rising steadily; she was becoming more expressive, thrusting her hands in awkward directions as she explained her inner crisis.

"I don't care if you had an affair with Hitler, but I need to know." I stood my ground, still searching her eyes for answers.

"You're a foolish girl, Isabella. You shouldn't dig up the past… But you want the truth?"

I nodded easily and shuffled closer to her, ignoring the cobwebs and dust collecting in the corner between the wall and kitchen cabinet. Her eyes had clouded over and I could tell that she would spill the shadow of everything any second now. Her grip on my hand was loosening and she was falling into her own fantasy world.

"I was raped…"

My shock was visible on my face and my mouth formed an "O". I couldn't believe it. I was the child of a rapist; I have the… rape gene in me… I shook my head to clear my thoughts. How could this be? How could someone willingly violate my own mother? The most gentle and soft of all beings… My safe harbor, the only person I trusted with my whole heart…

"I'm sorry, mom."

"Keep quiet and let me get on with the story. I was raped by my boyfriend's brother, Emmett," she scowled and it pleased me to see her so… alive again. "As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, it was a month or so after that terrible afternoon…

"_Rosalie, what are you doing?" The blonde goddess is sitting on her bed, rummaging through a white box, her nose crinkled; bad odors are my proposition; the box looks like it hasn't been touched in decades. She doesn't look up when I repeat her name, vying for her attention. Am I not more interesting than a box? I walk over to her and let my fingers slide gently on her arm. Quite obviously, it doesn't work; her vision does not even once flicker over to me._

"_Rose, what's troubling you?" My question lingers in the air subtly. In that dead silence, she lifts her head to meet my curious gaze, her cerulean blue eyes wide, innocent and her plump lips apart slightly. Her eyes glaze over as she continues to simply stare at me; not a word is spoken. Her numb gaze is unnerving and I almost scream at her to say something, blame me for everything if she must but before I open my mouth she turns away swiftly and closes her eyes. At first, I don't notice it, but I refuse to let it drop as I know she so desperately wants, for each of the Cullens to simply forget her, let her drift to the back. Something is troubling her, more than just the absence of her lover, her Emmett. A thin red line that starts from the base of her earlobe travels down along the tendon along her neck and stops at her shoulder blade. I am only able to see it because of the flimsy, white night dress she is wearing._

"_Who did this?" I ask tentatively, my hands just inches from her skin as I follow the angry mark. Since the day that Emmett left, Rosalie has been more than forlorn, barely leaving the confines of her room, never speaking more than a few necessary words and hunting only when Carlisle brings her with him, his hand resting protectively on the small of her back. I cannot help but bestow part of the blame on myself, despite assurances from the rest of the family._

"_It was Edward." She's not being harsh and I know her lips have not spoken cruel lies for years. It can only be the truth. I sigh, not knowing what other reaction is suitable for the tense atmosphere. "Rose, come with me." I don't know what I'm saying; the words just seem to tumble from my mouth as I continue to look at her distraught expression, the way her mouth droops despite my wasted efforts to console her. "Leave all of this behind, come with me. We can make our own life away from here!"_

"_Bella, you love Edward. I can't make you leave him for my own good. Stay here, I can endure it." She remains adamant, taking my hands onto her leg and promising me that she'll be alright but I know she won't be. _

"_Rose, if Edward really did do this to you, then I don't love him anymore. And I believe you. Let's do it tonight! Pack a bag and we'll leave tonight." My pitch is getting higher and higher as I become more excited, more nervous. I love Rosalie, now more than ever and I refuse to allow such violence against her. Has she now suffered enough pain? "Rosalie, meet me at my house, tonight, at ten. Bring a bag and we'll… we'll leave. I love you, Rose," I whisper into her ear and she shivers erratically. She doesn't respond and as I slip out the door, I can swear I see her eyes turn white, reveling in the silence._

_I know now that I will never see Edward again, never indulge in his regal presence or discuss the society in which we live. Ever if he searches the entire world for me, I will never speak to him again. Satan's child. _

OoOoO

_It is six o'clock and I am sitting at the flaking wooden bench posing as our dining table. Opposite me, Charlie sits sullenly, spearing peas on his fork. My only guess is a bad day but I daren't probe him for information of any kind. The bowl of salad between us is acting like some sort of barrier. Neither of us are looking at each other, only interested in the plates in front of us. Charlie clears his throat loudly and sips from his glass of water. "Bella, I'm afraid I need to go out after dinner. There's been a breakthrough in that big investigation I was telling you about the other day." His eyes light up as he informs me about his work; his love. I'm barely interested in the police force but still manage to scrape together an encouraging smile. "Hm. I can't actually remember you telling me about that…"_

"_Well, don't worry then. But I'm going to have to leave straight after dinner which is probably around… now." He chuckles loudly, the sound bouncing off the walls. I smile at him then stand to collect the dishes. _

_Beads of water splash off the faded white plates as I rinse them under the rusting tap. I hear Charlie call a good bye to me as he reaches for his coat. "Goodnight." My reply is slightly late and I doubt he has heard. "Love you." I look as his stout figure hurries to the cruiser waiting idly at the curb; the last time I will ever see my father and the last time I speak to him. My mind continues to wander as I stack the dishes in the washer. I want to scream, wake myself up from the daze I am in. _

"_Bella." My scream rouses me and I drop the last plate I am holding onto the linoleum, cracking it into hundreds of shards, scattering in all directions. Rosalie is standing by the front door, her expression slightly amused. My hand is thrust onto my chest and I can feel my heart beating erratically. "You scared the crap out of me, Rose," I breathe. She sings her reply and with one swift motion, collects all of the tiny pieces of china then dumps them into the bin. "Ready?" _

"_Nope, come upstairs with me to pack. Where's your stuff?" She hasn't brought any bags in from the light sprinkle of rain with her and is only dressed in a thin blouse and slacks. Of course, she won't be susceptible to the weather, but in the interest of not attracting attention, I would have assumed she would be wearing something thicker. "Oh, I left it in your room. I hope that's okay." She doesn't sound worried in the least; she has obviously only added the last sentence to sound casual; polite. I must admit, that I cannot remember Rose going upstairs but a vampire she is. "No need for the charades, Rose," I turn around on my way upstairs and call to her but find that she is only two steps below me. Stupid, inhuman speed…_

"_You have such a measly wardrobe." She has a part smirk, part scowl on her face, and her eyes are aligned into disapproving slits as she thumbs quickly through the clothes hanging inside the clumsy beige closet opposite my bed. I walk beside her and grab her hand. "Why don't I do the packing and you sit on the bed and look cute, Rosalie?" She glowers at me but fortunately slouches, if vampires are even capable of doing so, towards the bed and sulkily sits down. Despite being an essentially tolerant person, there is a line even for me. I grant her a grateful smile and turn back to my closet. My duffle bag is waiting by my feet, only containing a towel, toiletries and underwear. "You really need some new things; an update to your room is much needed." Rose is scanning my room with a brutally honest eye, picking out aspects of it that she doesn't approve of. I ignore her and renew my interest in my collection of clothes. _

_It takes ten minutes for me to scrape together all of my belongings and fit them into the open bag. There is very little left for me to do in the house except write a final note to my beloved father, who is to return in the new few hours or so. Rosalie advises me to make it a concise letter, only outlining my intentions. She agrees that my sudden absence will indeed trouble Charlie, but I see no other way. "I'll be right back," I whisper and slip downstairs. My mother tore Charlie's world apart so many years ago and I am doing the exact same. I have no excuse; I am doing it for my own benefit if not for Rose's. I am a foolish daughter, not worthy of anything. In the draw by the telephone is a pad of crimson letter paper with a matching pen. This is what I write._

**Charlie,**

**When you return from the station, I won't be here anymore. I'm leaving Forks to see what lies outside of her. Life isn't going to plan and lately it's been too much for me. You won't see me again but know that I love you and will always be thinking of you.**

**With all my heart, I love you.**

**Bella. **

OoOoO

My mother sat next to me with a forlorn smile, staring into the distance. I couldn't say I fully understood just what she was saying but I attempted to. Who were the Cullens exactly? From what my mother had just said, all I could gather was that they were a family of orphans living in the same town as her, Forks, but somehow, the use of the description "vampire" was slightly disturbing and something to be taken into account.

"Vampires?" My voice was flat, dull and a tiny smile adorned my mother's mouth. I could almost see a screen above her head playing reels of these vampires she loved so dearly. As I continued to connect every detail of the woman in front of me, searching for something behind those frantic globes, I died a little; disintegrated, because as I discovered more and more behind the shadow that is Bella, I realized she loved that family of vampires more than me, her own daughter.

"Yes." I coughed loudly, disturbing the perfect peace and turned my head to look outside the window to the pathetic garden outside. A lone tree sits in the centre of it with withering grass surrounding it, like a sea of soldiers protecting their king. The wooden fences are rotting leaving splinters of dead wood lying on the ground beneath. Like the essence of my mother, it is fading. "What happened next?"

She sighed, as if my continued probing is tiring here. She seemed to contemplate complaining that she was tired, and would explain everything else at a later date, but I knew that if I let her leave our dingy kitchen then, she would never return to me with the answers that I needed. "Please."

"The note seemed so heavy in my hand as I left it on the dining table…


	2. Chapter 2

"_Don't fret, Bella. We'll come back to see him." I don't hear her as she lays her hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I look into her eyes and see nothing of perceptiveness to my situation, only sympathy and that is one thing I do not wish for._

"_You don't understand, you can never understand. I'm doing this for you and you have nothing better to say than it's going to be alright!" It's as if I become the third person and I can see both of us, standing in my lonesome kitchen. One, a stunningly attractive blonde goddess and the other a measly child. _

"_I never said I wanted this, Bella," she mouth is moving at a ferocious pace, glistening teeth and blood red lips, eyes changing to a desperate dark color in just seconds. "You think I want to see you fall into pieces after the first week of leaving? Like I want to be the cause of your heartbreak. I can't want this; it's not something that can be justified."_

_Rosalie fingers a stray lock on my shoulder so similar to the way Emmett once did, months ago. "Don't leave me, Rose. I only have you now."_

_A thoughtless smirk appears and she releases her captive, instead holding my shoulders, forcing me to look straight at her. "You'll always have me, my lovely. Go if you must though."_

_I take this as a renewal of her interest and gently release myself from her unbreakable grip and step aside, coincidentally to the door. Like a sign, I can't help but think. "Climb on my back." _

_A rush of thoughts implode in my brain; trying to comprehend everything. Rose stands there, waiting, searching my expression. "What?" My voice is level, my eyes not darting to find an answer; I cannot register what she is saying…_

"_You heard me. Come on, I have not enough patience for your snail like pace." I gasp at her, astonished and slightly irritated. She dare be so rude to me? I think not, but I guess I should feel differently; never before has Rosalie been any different. "Oh, shut up, Rose."_

OoOoO

"You really left with her, mom?" I couldn't help but be slightly skeptical. If Edward and my mother were so incredibly in love, so passionately indebted with each other, how could she really make a choice that would destroy everything? No, the Bella I knew, the Bella I loved, was a stubborn creature, yes, but not a rash one. She was a meticulous thinker.

"Well, you'll find out if you stop interrupting me, won't you?"

But there are so many questions, mom. So many that I knew you'll never answer unless I ask you now. How do I know, that I won't… meet with a guy named Edward on the street when I'm old and wrinkly and I'll die never knowing that that guy was my mother's love?

"Fine, go ahead."

OoOoO

_We hide in Alaska. Rosalie refuses to hide in an underground bunker let a lone a trench so I can do nothing but seek us shelter in a motel service. It snows everyday here, gallons of coarse ice, plummeting down on us yet Rose doesn't mind. She insists we stay here, at least until… until something. Again, she is hiding something from me and I cannot pinpoint the reason; I want to talk to her, but without honesty there is no hope. A week pasts; a week after leaving my life, my future, everything I have ever known, and I am as unhappy as a woman betrothed to the one she despises. Each morning, we do nothing but sit in our shared room, dapple inanely by the river not ten minutes from town; glorious as it is, it brings no more forbidden joy to my heart. For my heart is dead, with no light in my vision and nothing to wait for, my heart is ensnared by death. _

"_God, Bella, could you be any glummer?" Rosalie sees no reason for my… disposition. She thinks this place is perfect; beauty captured in a glance. But I know, as do any of her other acquaintances, that in another week or so, she will be tired of her new home and will beg for a change, a difference that she hopes will bring spontaneity to her currently dull life._

"_I have just left my everything. Cut me some slack?" My tone is challenging and she is obviously displeased._

"_Your choice, don't come complaining to me." She is right. It truly was my choice; my stupidity brought me to my predicament and now I must live it out._

"_Okay, Rose, let's go out. Put me out of my misery…" My suggestion hangs in the air. Despondent and momentarily forgotten as Rosalie discovers her long lost and loved bangle. "Oh, right; well, if we must, but I do find this quaint room rather charming."_

_With an uncharacteristic eye roll and my coat flung over my shoulders, we leave the room to the small reception area downstairs. "Hello, ladies, what can I do for you today?" _

_The son of the owner is always found sitting at the wooden counter, either scribbling cartoons, his pastime being watching Japanese anime, or searching for porn on his dial up internet connection. Every time we give him our keys as we leave he pretends to be surprised, unsuspecting. _

"_Just going out for a while." I flick my wrist out and the keys land with a deafening jangle on the counter top. _

"_Bye then."_

_Rosalie's eyes flicker to me as we pass through the door and through to the wooden stairs that lead to the yard outside. "Perv," she whispers, almost like a quick breath, with the possibility of being a slip of the tongue, but I know her too well. _

OoOoO

_There is very little to do in the centre of the town. With a measly population of 500, I suppose I shouldn't have expected any more than this. Rosalie also is visibly taken aback by the lack of activities available. Thought she has too much pride to admit this. _

"_There's nothing to do here, can we just go somewhere else? Even the lake would be better than this…" I'm in no way a whiner, but I doubt I can withstand one more hour of this aimless wandering through this chilling, monotonous town. _

"_Fine, fine then. Where do you want to go?" She is staring at me fiercely, tempting me to suggest anything._

"_The lake will be just fine." I am brisk and to the point; unexpected and she raises an elegant eyebrow into a smoldering arch but says nothing. We turn around, the lake being to the north, rising above the town just slightly; on top of the refined hill, doing nothing but seething out into the emptiness, breathing in everything, life is perfect. _

_Rose walks faster than me clearly irritated. She refuses to allow me to catch up. _

_We are almost past the town, just a hundred meters or so from the border where the pub lies, awaiting unsuspecting night visitors to push their ale to. A tall, lean man is smoking outside, the cigarette hanging disdainfully at the corner of his cracking lips._

"_Ladies, want to have some fun?" His name is Jim, we know this, and is known widely as the town sleaze; always trying miserably to pick up young women. _

"_No thank you," Rose says curtly and continues to walk. I look and Rosalie and wonder; how can she bear anything while she knows, she can feel Emmett somewhere out there? She walks through all of this and doesn't flinch, doesn't take a step back to observe something properly. Like a queen of stone; I will never be like her. It's not the lack of Edward that hurts the most, not in the least. It's the knowledge that he is most definitely in the world somewhere; within reach, within a phone call, maybe even wanting me as much as I to him. I have stopped completely, my legs frozen to the spot, staring idly into the distance, imagining him, standing there, arms outstretched invitingly. _

"_He's not there, Bella". Rose knows what I am thinking of and gives me no sympathy, as she shouldn't. She has given up more than me, I should respect her, kiss the ground she treads on for she is everything I want to be but never will be._

_My knees give way suddenly beneath me, each bone and tendon crumpling, giving up hope. The thought of Edward is too much, the thought of giving him up is worse. My legs automatically curl up to my chest and I twist into the fetal position. Rosalie is distinctly hissing at me to get up. Jim is watching us, amused and interested. I try to push myself up; arms propping me up, but they can't hold my weight. _

"_Well, well, let me give you a hand." Jim saunters to us, eyes slits like a fox, mouth arranged in a patient smirk. My eyes follow him as do Rose's. I think she's too much in shock to react in her usual manner; too surprised at the events unfolding to pay attention to her part in the story of my destruction. _

_His heavy, brown boots arouse dust from the ground around him. Clouds billowing threateningly close to my eyes. Some reaches my nose and I sneeze violently, eyes squeezed tight. His calloused hands are but inches from me when I hear it. The most beautiful sound in the world. _

_His roar. _

_All three of our heads whip around to watch. It is Edward, standing imposingly meters away; just as my mind has replayed it so many times. Him in my eyes, too far away to touch and yet so close, his intentions unknown but my mind begging for him to come closer. _

"_What can I do you for?" Jim snaps at him clearly irritated at the disruption. _

_Edward doesn't speak but steps forward menacingly. _


	3. Chapter 3

Bella didn't dare to look me in the eye as she spoke. It was as if she couldn't trust me with her secrets; the only reason she was telling me them was because I pestered her. When she's done, she will deny we ever discussed the issue.

"What do you feel when you talk about him?" I forced myself to speak.

"I feel remorse. But I also feel love and hope. And faith that one day he will come back to me. Not as the old, cruel, regretless Edward but the Edward I know and love; the one I trust to return to me."

Her words brought tears to my eyes; she still had conviction that her true love would return to her arms, still believes that there will be a happy ending to her story. I felt like I knew better; I am her daughter, I have seen her through another's' eyes. She doesn't sense her own discomfort or sorrow, only I can.

"I hope your wish comes true, mom."

OoOoO

_What happened next I am neither ashamed of nor delighted by… Jim continued to provoke Edward; he pushed him over the limit. I longed to warn him, I wanted nothing more than for all of us to walk away but I was somehow frozen in time; like I was watching a scene from a third person view. _

"_Edward. Leave now."_

_My clear voice cuts through the dust but he ignores it completely. By the scruff of Jim's sweaty collar, Edward hoists him into the air and stares him in the eyes._

"_You treat women like they're toys. You treat your mother like your slave and as for your sister, not a day's thought goes towards her. You deserve nothing more than this; let me assure you so maybe you can rest with the knowledge that you brought this upon yourself."_

_It's like a speech he is giving himself; he speaks to himself as if he is the devil himself but he knows no better. He looks into his empty mirror and sees an empty corpse. No, much worse than an empty corpse; a living body with an undeserving soul inside. How can he think such a thought? For he is almost life itself. He gives me my every wish and he leaves me without a doubt in my mind that his love is created for me. And so he suffers. _

"_What are you gonna do? Toss me out into the lake? They'll find me and then they'll come after you. You hear me?!" Jim manages to choke out a few last words and then the most horrific thing takes place. Edward closes his eyes and clenches the hand holding Jim's collar into a fist. _

"_Yes."_

_His head does not even turn; it is unnatural, forced and rigid. Not at all an Edwardian thing to do. His wrist flicks like a coiled snake towards the forest and Jim's body is flung into the thick woodland. There is no regret in the way Edward smirks or the way he traipses slowly and deliberately towards me. But my heart burns for him for he is surely to be sent directly to Hell. _

"_I came here to tell you, my Bella, that I love you and I hope that you can forgive me for what I do next."_

_I stand there in momentary shock, simply soaking in his words. They float for a while, thudding dully off the sides of my mild existence. His voice is like poison, seeping into my bloodstream; deadly but so lovely. _

"_You don't need to understand now, Bella. You will find out soon." _

OoOoO

_Rosalie grasps my wrists and captures me between her arms and torso. And then she turns back to town and dashes to the horizon._

"_We have to leave, now, Bella. I do not trust Edward and I need you to believe in me," she rasps into my ear. _

_I sense fear in her tone and it evokes a question deep within me. Is Edward dangerous? Has he come to kill me or God forbid Rosalie? _

"_I believe in you, Rose." But it is not me who says this. It is a voice once so familiar to me that I could pick it out in a rumble of deep sounds. Rose whimpers into my shoulder blade but I cannot comprehend. _

"_Edward?" _

"_I told you not to run from this, Rosalie, but you didn't believe me. I warned you of what I would do but you went ahead with your insolent plan. You bring this upon yourself!" he screams at her in frenzy. I feel Rosalie shake beside me; just shuddering in fear and trauma.  
"Stop it, Edward! Stop scaring us! What do you want?!" I demand and clutch Rose's hand between my own warm one, rubbing warmth into it. I want to bring Rose back to life even if time goes back and she hates me again because I can bear her cruel, cold stares, I can bare her ignorance towards me, I can bear anything she wishes to send me but I cannot bear it when she stares at me with empty eyes or fingers one of Emmett's belongings with invisible tears pouring down her cheeks to pool in a puddle on the floor. I need my Rose. _

"_Oh, I don't want anything from you, Bella. All I want is Rosalie here. Rosalie Lillian Hale." _

_It is an alternate universe, my mind forces me to believe, an alternate universe in which Edward is evil but he is not! He is kind and perfect and all things great. He is my Edward. _

"_You can't have her."_

_He looks at me, not into me as usual; he looks at me and sees someone else. My heart burns for him still.  
"Lies. You cannot deceive me."_

_Rosalie shrieks beside me, from beneath me, from within me, like a thousand piercing needles sticking into my skin. And then she is gone. It's like the red in my body is gone and there is no point in living. My love for her is unlike anyone else's. My love for her is special, complex. My love for her even overpowers my love for Edward for unlike him, Rosalie gave up her absolute world for me. _

"_Edward! No, Rose," my cursing screams fill the air and like a star shower, they rain back onto me; empty. "Please, Edward. Just give me my Rose and I will be yours."_

_But my pleas are useless. Edward is no longer pure of heart for his mind has been taken by the devil or something alike. I turn to stone and stand there for hours or days, I am not sure. Waiting and waiting for breath to return to my lungs, for all that I thought I would have when I was 16 to return to me. Eventually, I realize that it will never come back to me. God has decided that I am not deserving of his attention and care. _

_On the 23rd of May, I meet with the town doctor to diagnose my mysterious sickness; I cannot bear to live anymore. She tells me with a cheery smile that I am with child. _

"_I'm sure that you and the father would love to celebrate this surprise! I suppose it's best for me to let you go but a few things first; I know who you are, I know you love and I will hunt you down and kill you."_

_No, it's not the doctor speaking; it's a voice inside me, churning and whispering things to me. The doctor is all things good and kind; all that I am not. _

"_I'll follow your instructions, don't worry but I have a brunch I have to go to with some friends. I'll tell them the news there. Thanks for your help, Doctor." _

_I rush out of the stuffy room before she can return the careful gesture and breathe in the suddenly salty air. Air is not life. _

_I now hold Emmett's child; a daughter no doubt. He has thrust this predicament upon me as I did to myself coincidentally. Lord, save me. I am carrying the child of Satan and now his line prevails. _

OoOoO

"That was me. You thought _I _was the daughter of the Devil?" I couldn't help but scoff at her unruly suggestion. The daughter of the Devil? Surely not; what a preposterous idea even for my mother.

"That I did and I ask you to not laugh at me, Isabella, as I was not in my right mind." Her icy voice cut through the air and she pinned me to the wall with her aggravation.

"I'm sorry, mom."

"As am I, my love."

"So you became pregnant? Were you scared?" I continued to push her, to find out a little more but in the end, it was not my choice as to whether or not she continued her tale; she still had more to say.

OoOoO

_For the next few months, I feel nothing at all except for a burning in my lower abdomen. I writhe in my sleep and listen for the wails of my sister but none come. The doctor advises me that I return to Forks to seek out my father but I must refuse. I cannot face him after all I have done. I left him with a broken heart and a state of mind unfit for a man of his age. _

"_Doctor, I don't think my family will welcome me back to their home. In fact, I am sure they will not."_

"_Don't be so fast to past judgment; from what I have gathered, you ran away from home, no? It was your choice and therefore I am sure they miss you everyday still."_

_Her wise words make me think for some time. For months I deliberate over what she says; to return or to stay. On the 7th of February, I am rid of my burden; instead a daughter is forced on me. My first reaction is to cringe when I hold her but soon I learn to stroke her face and memorize her cries of love, joy and pain. She holds not only a part of Emmett, but a part of Edward, a part of Carlisle, a part of Jasper, a part of both Alice and Esme but also a part of Rosalie and I must thank the Lord for every day he grants me with her._

OoOoO

She loves me. For all those years, I always thought she thought she _had _to love me but now I have more knowledge to think about.

"I love you, mom."

She smiled a forlorn smile down at me leg but didn't say anything.

"That sure was the first half of your life in a nutshell," I attempted to make her laugh but she only squeezed my hand and rose from her sitting position on the linoleum.

"I know I'm not the best mother in the world but after this little talk, I hope that you can see that it is simply impossible for me to be so."

Her words made me cry and they continue to make me cry to this day.

"Of course I understand, mom."

I walked out towards the living room and follow her as she sits down on the couch. Her eyes are wet and glistening with tears of grief. I cannot grasp how much pain she is in, I do not even know if she has accepted her fate.

"We should find him, Edward, I mean. Mom, we must find Edward."

My proposition lingered in the air and then she touched my wrist with her fingertips and stared into my eyes.

"I am nearly 66, Isabella. I am 66 in less than a week and you want us to go searching for my long lost lover? You've not lost your mind, have you?" She smiled at me genially and her eyes softened. "I tell you I have not lost faith because I haven't. I believe in my Edward but that does not mean that I will sacrifice everything I have built to find him in this enormous world."

"But _we _can find him, mom. I can help you!"

"My darling Isabella… Oh God. You don't understand what I am saying. I left Edward. He found me and then he left me even more desperate. Yes, I love him still and yes, I yearn for his touch every minute of the day, but I love you most and would never give your happiness up for him."

It was like an angel had touched my heart; an angel that's name was Bella and was plain as day. My mother was my angel and she claimed I was hers.

"Thank you…" I whispered to her, "But I need to do this for you. This is yours, Mom. This is your life and all you have ever wanted even if it only happens 49 years later."

"I can't go with you then. My bones are brittle. I am dying. And I'm melodramatic… Just go without me; it can be like the… road trip of your life. Go ahead but bring me all your tales when you return. And promise you'll return. I can't bear to live without you."

OoOoO

_And so the daughter of the angel within says good bye to her doting mother with a kiss on the cheek and a whimper into her shoulder. The mother cries herself to sleep that night because she knows her daughter will not return in time. She has decided something that goes against the laws of nature, the laws of love and the wishes of all that care for her. _


End file.
